<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The Symphonies Of A Thousand Demons by QueenOfNewOrleans22</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25299997">The Symphonies Of A Thousand Demons</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22'>QueenOfNewOrleans22</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Silent Cries [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Guns N' Roses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Physical Abuse, Smoking., Verbal Abuse, Violence, Yearning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:48:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,156</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25299997</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Slash considers his feelings after yet another violent scene.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Axl Rose/Slash | Saul Hudson, Duff Mckagan &amp; Slash | Saul Hudson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Silent Cries [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1823191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Symphonies Of A Thousand Demons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Where have you been?" </p><p>Everywhere. Nowhere. A place where this hell didn't exist. </p><p>"I got my own room." </p><p>Certainly not a lie, definitely not the truth. Axl always knew when it wasn't the complete story, could perhaps sense it in his voice, and the moment the words slipped from Slash's mouth, a twist of the ordinary, or not so ordinary, truth, his face got that look to it, like he was unsure whether or not he should be angry or disgusted. "Bullshit. You left your wallet here, and so I ask again, where the fuck have you been?" Axl demanded, sharply and with a vicious tone that suggested he was gearing up for the inevitable. Slash was preparing too, but in a much different way. "I bribed my way in." He mumbled, face down, eyes directed to the ground, the stained carpet, dull and dirty, trying to control his thoughts and wondering why it felt so hard to breathe all of a sudden. </p><p>Axl shifted visibly. "Oh, yeah? Odd. You kinda look like shit, so I'd except that no respectable lady, or guy, would look twice at you." He said in response. "Unless they were wondering who knocked you in the head." He added, almost as an afterthought. Reaching over to the side table, Axl retrieved a carton of cigarettes and a lighter. Slowly, almost carefully, he lit one and inhaled, exhaled, smirked when Slash's eyes flicked up, almost out of habit. "You want one?" He offered, a trick, a sleight of the mind, a play on Slash and his many, many weaknesses. </p><p>Slash licked his lips, shook his head. They had played this game many times over the years, Axl taunting him with those little things that kept him sane. "Oh, no?" His lover, his once-upon-a-time angel, said in a tone of innocence. Standing and taking a deliberately long time to make his way over to where Slash was, pressed up against the wall in an attempt to disappear completely, Axl continued to smoke in such a casual way that it almost disguised his true intentions. "Too bad you couldn't have the same control to refuse with the drugs. Or maybe whatever you take nowadays is <em>really </em>starting to mess with your freaky little head." Axl sounded like he was enjoying this little show. It was entirely possible, seeing as how long this has been going on, this cycle of pain that never ended, it never ended and it would never end, no matter how far away Slash got, no matter what happened. </p><p>In a sudden flash of movement, Axl, with a practiced grace, pressed his arm against Slash's throat and continued smoking, which had lost it's effect to make Slash cough but was still unpleasant, coupled with the arm that was slowly crushing his windpipe. "What are you, trying to be a fucking saint now? Trying to make yourself desirable for Duff? Please, he's never gonna look twice at you. You're just gonna die alone with your drugs." The mention of Duff stung more than it should've. It hurt, knowing how true those words were. </p><p>Axl was uncomfortably close. Slash didn't like being so close to him anymore, didn't enjoy their bodies pressed up close nowadays. It sickened him. "Look at you, you're so pathetic, can't even fight back." <em>Can't </em>was different from an unwillingness to hurt the same person who was causing an endless amount of perpetual torment. Slash didn't fight back because he didn't want to hurt Axl, an attempt to keep peace on at least one side. </p><p>Faced with the fact that he could barely breathe, Slash angled his face higher to try and get some air into his lungs. It didn't work much, and the idea of fainting wasn't a very attractive one. "Ax-Axl, please let me go." He said as calmly as he could muster. Any louder would be disastrous, any quieter couldn't be heard. "What? You want me to let you go? That's nice. I haven't even heard a single apology for you just running off like a kid who didn't get their way." Axl replied, his upper lip curled into a snarl. He pressed down even harder. "Say you're sorry, Slash." </p><p>The apologies were the worst. They were embarrassing, and never were good enough the first time. "I'm s-" The pressure on his throat became worse, and Slash paused, not even having enough air in his lungs to cough, just managing an odd wheezing noise. "S-s-orry. Ax, <em> please." </em>He squeezed his eyes shut as black spots danced in his vision like orbs. Axl clicked his tongue, "I can't hear you, honey, try a little bit louder." Not the names. <em> Not the names. </em>Slash gathered his will to get out of this situation and breathed in the best he could. "I'm s-sorry Axl, please fo-<em>forgive </em>me." Slash felt lightheaded, and dizzy, and he was sure that he'd see double if only he'd just open his eyes, and then Axl removed his arm and Slash took a deep breathe, coughing, his lungs burning. </p><p>Axl grabbed him Slash by the arms, his fingers curled tight into bruised flesh, and tossed him onto the bed. Slash yelped like a wounded dog, blinking and startled, staring at his redheaded...what was he? "I'll be with Diz if you need me." Axl said, almost unconcerned, unbothered by what had just happened. Grabbing his overcoat, he swiftly left, and Slash could hardly believe it, wasn't even sure if he wanted to believe it, just stared at the door long after Axl had disappeared behind it. </p><p>His throat hurt now. Slash had felt too much pain in his years of life to particularly care about it, and so he simply curled up on the bed, tired but unable to sleep. His vision was blurred with tears, and Slash wiped them away quickly, not wanting to feel weaker than he already did. </p><p>
  <em>Stupid. Weak. Pathetic. Look at you, this shouldn't be happening. It's like you can't even defend yourself. </em>
</p><p>Wrapping his arms around himself, a last ditch effort at comfort, Slash knew that the deep ache in his heart wasn't from any physical pain or anything that could be caused by Axl. Rather, it was because he missed Izzy, Steven, and knew deep down that it was all his fault. This was all his mess, and he needed if he people to help pick up the pieces. </p><p>Slash wanted Duff. He wanted that smile, that endless wit, the gentle touch and unending love. Slash wanted to stroke his blonde hair and let Duff know that <em>Yes, I love you, more than anything </em>but he couldn't and now he was just stuck there, never to know what Duff's true feelings were, what his lips felt like, what it truly felt like to be cherished and cared for. </p><p>Most of all, Slash wanted to hold Duff's hand, and feel what it was like to be truly loved. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>